Sunday, December 26, 2010

I didn't even hold up to posting....

BUT, it is because everyone in my stinking house keeps getting sick!!! I am ready for it to move on already.

I hope you each had a great day filled with family and fun and love!
My little sister and Gene came over on Christmas Eve and we had some yummy snacks....cookies that the kids had made and decorated, cupcakes I had made and the kids iced, sausage/cheese/crackers, salsa and chips, mimosas(my first try and it wasn't bad, but lets put LOTS of OJ in there and not much champagne, ok?!-Misty brought these as a surprise!)
Daniel and I had MOST of the gifts wrapped by noon and then we were finished by 9pm, but the kids DID NOT want to go to bed!!! ugh. So, when the kids were woken up by Dawson at 5, we didn't let them get up!!! LOL...well, I'm not a morning person, remember??? they were so funny though. they were marching in the hall like soldiers(maybe they were dreaming it was NutCracker performance again?)jumping on our bed, but by 5:30, they had made a little pallet in the hall and were sound fact, we had a hard time waking up Dawson!
We cut way back this year...they just didn't need anything really. so they each got 1 thing by themselves and 2 for the boys/girls combined. they were more than happy.
um, I got 27(yes, you read that right)cookbooks!!! HAHAHA, guess someone is saying something...either, they are tired of the same things or they want me to use less boxed food :o) They are very cool cookbooks, so it should be exciting!
Then we went to service at church. It was amazing. God was in that place...not that He isn't always, but wow it was a great service. Then we went and looked at some lights and came home.
Today has been VERY laid back...most of us didn't get dressed today!!! Daniel is not feeling well, Gabi is still very stuffy with a crazy cough and Piper has a yucky cough. Mom seems to be on the mend, but when she coughs, I can hear all the gunk in her. So, we had some turkey and noodles for dinner. OH MY, they were so good!!!
now the kids are all playing and I am sitting here, playing on the computer, Danie is getting ready to go to bed...I can't believe that the weekend is over. The last 3 days has gone so fast. sigh.
I pray that each of you had an amazing CHRISTmas and that you have a wonderful 2011!!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

huh, I wonder if I can do it?

I want to challenge myself-and you...
lets see if we can blog everyday in December? think we can?
maybe even add a picture each day...

I know it is a busy month, but we don't want to rush by and stay so busy that we can't remember what we did last week!

So, who's in????

a new giveaway!

go check it, NOW!!!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

check out this giveaway!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

turns, twists and dips...this crazy life

This holiday has been good.
Daniel was on call, so he was gone a lot and we ate really late, but since everyone has been sick, it wasn't so bad.
He has worked a lot of overtime this week-like 22 hours.
I cooked, yep, me, most of our Thanksgiving dinner! wowsers, it was crazy busy, but it tasted great!!!!
Church and life group were wonderful!!! played some Scrabble and just hung out.
Today we had ballet practice in Miami. I ended up called away for a family emergency.
It has been the hardest mommy moment in my life.
I am not yet ready to share everything about it, please pray for our family. God knows already. He in in this situation and I am leaving it for Him.
SO, check it out!

I won!!! I enter a lot of things, a lot of times just for fun, because I like to see what others have to say as well. I was SO excited to get an Email from Jenny! I love reading her blog! THANK YOU JENNY for choosing me~us, our family.

I hope all of you had an amazing holiday with family.
Time to decorate for Christmas time!!

I have only purchase one gift so far and have not a single clue or idea what else to do. sigh.

it has been a long day, I am going to try to lay down and sleep....

Monday, November 1, 2010

November-I wasn't ready for you,

But, here you are.
I welcomed you in by staying in and doing household stuff.
hot tea,
soup and watching a movie!

I love this time of year for yummy breads and soups.
Do you have a recipe you should share with me?

Halloween was a blast!
Well, the whole weekend was.
Sat we had Nutcracker practice. Then we raked and picked up sticks in a friends yard. Then we set fire to those sticks and leaves and roasted marshmallows and watched our kiddos delirious with happiness. Then church(Dawson had a bonfire for youth group)and then fellowship. Sunday we vegged-as in slept in! Then I baked cupcakes, dressed girls and did hair and we headed out for our trunk or treat before the trick or treating! It was so fun. We had a great time handing out candy at the church, then headed out to a friends neighborhood and did a bit of door to door for good ole fashion trick or treating. Kids had a blast. Then we went back to our friends house where our LifeGroup ate and hung out! It was so nice. we were home at a decent hour and all kids in bed!

I have pictures to post, but for now, I better get dinner finished!

Monday, September 6, 2010

PriceCutter-spent $3.94, saved $7.60...

Food4Less-spent $2.53, saved $3,00...

.Walgreens-spent $8.18, saved $37.48...

Total spent-$14.65 Total SAVED-$$48.08

Monday, August 30, 2010

crazy week gone by

Time is going by so fast since the kids have been in school.
I was so worried about being bored, but really, I have not had time to be bored.
I have been exercising and getting some things organized.
Taking care of mom, kids. You know, being the mom around here.

The girls start ballet next week~they are super excited!
Boys are going to play basketball and that doesn't start for a bit.

Tuesday I have some plans.
Wed I have some plans.
Seems strange that I can make plans and not worry about what to do with kids-they are all in school!!
I have to say, I have gotten used to it. I can get the house work done, groceries purchased, exercise, even hang with friends all while they are learning!

For tonight, I have to go and tuck the girls in for bed!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

it was a good trip

8 bags of Totino's Pizza Rolls
4 cans of Progresso Soup
3 bags Nature Valley Nut Clusters
3 bags Chex Mix
...1 bag Bugles
2 bags Quaker Rice Snacks
2 bottles V8 Veggie joice
3 bottles Sunny D
3 boxes Fruit Gushers
2 boxes Fruit by the Foot
3 boxes Hamburger Helper
2 Old El Paso Enchilada Kit
2 Old El Paso Taco Kit
3 boxes Nature valley Granola Bars
3 boxes Nature Valley Granola Thins
2 boxes Chex Treat Bars
2 boxes Fiber One Bars
6 boxes Toaster Strudels
2 Tubs Kroger Ice Cream
2 Betty Crocker Warms Delights Minis
3 loaves bread*
family pack chicken thighs-mark down
family pack chicken legs-mark down
Ready to bake cookies-11 bags
8 Grands biscuits
2 French Loaves
8 Cinn rolls
2 Orange Rolls
6 Crescent Rolls
2 Bread Sticks
*no coupon-the only thing besides the chicken!!!
we spent $134.07
BUT we saved $185.97
WOO HOO!!!!!!

We used manufacture coupons on the items on sale, plus added the and Dillon's was so fun watching the bill go down!!!

Piper picking out her adorable back pack~
Dawson when he got his new cell phone and he was SOOO excited!!!

Piper was being a gansta :o)

The kids lemonade stand...where they made like close to $10 in less than an hour!!!

Monday, August 16, 2010

sweet sleep

How we will miss you....I mean, we could go to bed earlier, like when we put the kids down, but really, how much fun is that?? NONE. So, today was the last day that the kids and I were able to sleep in. I woke, but just laid in bed listening to the girls(who had joined us in the night)deep breathing and Piper sucking those little fingers...the sweetness of the moment was not lost on me.

I was blessed so much with my 5 children. Did I deserve it? nope. Am I grateful? yep. I have been entrusted with their lives and could not be happier or more scared to have the privilege. I can remember when Daniel and I were told we would never have children in '97. That was heartbreaking. I had always wanted nothing more than to be a momma. I tried desperately to get pregnant in my first marriage and failed. I can remember when I was sick in Feb '98, Daniel told me to get a Dr appt that I was pregnant. I thought he was crazy. We went in and I will never forget the lab tech saying 'Congratulations'. I was STUNNED!! Daniel drove like a grandpa when we left!!! He knew every time I was pregnant before I even did a test. He just knew. We went on to have 6 pregnancies and 4 births and an adoption. God is so good.

I make daily mistakes as a parent-who doesn't. BUT, I apologize and they know I love them. I want them to know that even when they mess up, we love them-unconditionally. I am happy that I share parenting with Daniel, even when we disagree-often-on how to handle things. It is a learning process just like anything else.

It is almost lunch time and I am still sitting here in my jammies and my robe. Only a couple kids have gotten dressed....we have hair cuts at 2 and I WILL be taking pictures....girls are playing house, Dawson is on the computer and Logan is playing the Wii...might not last long....need to empty the dishwasher and change out the laundry. Yep, this parenting gig sure keeps me busy!!!!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

the final days of summer

are coming to an end as school quickly approaches us.
They start school in 3 days, which means 2 days left with them.
ALL of them are going.
It will just be me and Mom here each day!
We will coupon, talk, watch tv.
She will sleep in her chair, I will make bows.

I quit my part time job, so with all of them in school, I will needing to make a little income, so I have decided with a closet full of bow making materials, that I need to resume making of the bow...maybe add in a few other things. We think we have a new name, but I am not ready to share it yet.

The girls had their final swim lesson today and they did great! Piper even put her face in the water with NO goggles on!! So proud of her. Gabi is like a little fish-she loves the water and just swimming and diving in general. Today, Daddy and the boys joined us after lessons and we swam and played. Daddy helped Gabi go to the very bottom of the deep end...she laughed in the water and bubbles just made their way to the top where I was watching. We laid on our lounge chairs and read while soaking up the sun. Then Daddy lit the grill and we cooked some hot dogs and had a late lunch...everyone sat and chatted and then, the kids jumped back in the pool and we blew up our rafts and floated and chatted about what the school year will hold. Dances, sports, ballet, homework, new friends, fun. It is sure to be a year of even more changes.

Changes have been many this summer for us. We have continued with our counseling as a couple and as individuals. It is so helpful to have someone listen and tell us we are not either 'wrong', but we just need to listen to each other, that we are heading toward the same goals, but we just think we should be getting there differently :o) Mom living with us has had it's ups and downs, but I know this is what God has for this season of our life. We go back to the pulm. specialist this week, so I hope we get a good report. Dawson got his phone-we told him when he was going into middle school, he would get it, so he has text non stop the past few days..BUT we take it at night and we can see everything he is doing online! Logan, Gabi and Piper will all be at the same school...that seems crazy! 12 years with little ones home and now they are all off to school. Bring on the kleenex....this momma might not do so well on Wed!

that is a wrap....for now.

Friday, August 6, 2010

what never was.

I want to apologize for any rude comments that anyone saw on my blog.
They have been deleted.
For what it is worth, I did not sleep with anyone's husband-period.
I made a stupid decision to talk to a man who was not my husband.
Poor choice-I know.
I am a grown Christian woman and I have apologized for my actions.
The ones I need forgiveness from have forgiven me-God and my husband.
I can't make anyone else let it go.
Here is the deal, I am human, I make mistakes and I learn from them.
for us, Life is moving forward, we make a choice not to hold onto the past, but to learn from it and be better people. I have been on the opposite side of this situation and I understand how bad it sucks. I had to let it go. It would have eaten me up.
I can say that my life is not terrible, I don't deserve a terrible life. I will keep on living life with my family and God at the center. We will strive to be better each day.
I hope you are all enjoying the rest of the time with your children before school starts!
I know we have had a fabulous summer and I think the kids are excited to get back into a routine of school!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

busy June, but LOVING IT!!!

Wow, school ended and we got sooo very busy. We have had baseball 4 nights a week...we had the tournament one weekend, swimming and the zoo the next...just enjoying being a family.

I missed the kids so much during all my surgeries and recovery. I went to the Dr yesterday and was released!!! It was a long 9 weeks and we are still working out the hormone issues with medicine, but I feel so much better. I do get tired quickly, but I am happy to be able to take care of the family again. Funny that I was so very excited for the break, but wow, after a few weeks, I was so very ready to take it on and get back to the craziness of our family.

On a sad note, Izzy has decided to move out. She said, 'she didn't like the situation, here or school and she couldn't be herself here.'(her words, not mine) She said she had friends she could stay with and didn't want to end things with us. We were all blindsided. Or at least I was. We had told her at Easter if she moved again, she would not be able to come back. It is too hard on the other 4 children and we have to still look out for them, even when she doesn't want us to. They are hurting and it is sad that it has come to this. Izzy is blaming me for all of it, but I know my heart and so does God. I pray she will be safe and take care of herself. This isn't how Daniel and I pictured life after adoption, but this is where we are. I have a peace from God that we are doing the best thing for the rest of the family. Life goes on. She may have to fall really hard to learn a lesson. We did everything we could to give her a good loving family life. Did Daniel and I make mistakes along the way? you bet we did. Did we give it our very best? yes. Do we love her just as we love the other 4? yes. If it were one of the other 4 children doing the same thing, would we feel the same way? YES. I will not let someone disrespect us in our home.

This past year has been very hard for Daniel and I. We BOTH made mistakes that had the potential to destroy our marriage. We decided that would turn back to God and we will work toward a covenant marriage and not a contractual marriage. It would have been so much easier to do it the 'world's way' and get a divorce. Is it tough? oh yeah. Is it worth it? yes. Is our family worth it? yes. I love Daniel and I know he loves me. We lost track of that in the midst of raising 5 kids and just trying to survive some days. Are there days it is hard to like him/myself? oh yeah, but I know that I love him in a way that I have/will never love another. This is the man that God chose for me to share my forever with and I am excited that he wants to share his with me. I am thankful for a forgiving, merciful God who loves us regardless of the sin we are living in and helps us to get beyond it. We are going to counseling separately and as a couple. We are blessed to have found AMAZING Christian counselors. I know that God placed them in our life for a special reason. We will NOT be a statistic. We will celebrate our 12 year anniversary this year and I can't wait for the 50th!!!! easy-NO, worth it? OH YEAH.

Well, it is late, I need to get some rest...Dawson has an orthodontist appt on Friday and then we have a game on Friday night. Looking forward to the weekend with the is sure to be busy, but fun!!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

picture heavy...trying to catch up....

5th grade graduation

some fun on the sidewalk, made by 5th grade
field trip...park/mc d's...
mmm, hot fudge
4th grade trip to park/mc d's
sweet friends
my first outing...kindergarden trip to park/mc d's
ballet recital-flowers from brothers
Piper's class
Gabi's tap...showing some attitude!!
Daddy with his little girls....
day one of cute...
mothers day, breakfast in bed
Dawson baseball...

Logan baseball....
girls after Awana program....
so, that is some of it, I will make another post to catch up on the rest...

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Our fingerprints don't fade from the lives that we touch-author unknown.

Friday, May 14, 2010

fun giveaway...

you have to go over to Life as a CEO and check out the giveaway!!!

very cute kids gear :o)

Sunday, May 9, 2010

What a great Mothers Day!!

Saturday, May 8, 2010

A Mother's Declarations
What I Can and Cannot Do for You.

I gave you life, but cannot live it for you.
I can teach you things, but I cannot make you learn.
I can give you directions, but I cannot be there to lead you.
I can allow you freedom, but I cannot account for it.
I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe.
I can teach you right from wrong, but I cannot always decide for you.
I can buy you beautiful clothes, but I cannot make you beautiful inside.

I can offer you advice, but I cannot accept it for you.
I can give you love, but I cannot force it upon you.
I can teach you to share, but I cannot make you unselfish.
I can teach you respect, but I cannot force you to show honor.
I can advise you about friends, but I cannot choose them for you.
I can advise you about sex, but I cannot keep you pure.
I can tell you the facts of life, but I cannot build your reputation.
I can tell you about drink, but I cannot say 'no' for you.

I can warn you about drugs, but I cannot prevent you from using them.
I can tell you about lofty goals, but I cannot achieve them for you.
I can teach you about kindness, but I cannot force you to be gracious.
I can warn you about sins, but I cannot make you moral.
I can love you as a child, but I cannot place you in God's family.
I can pray for you, but I cannot make you walk with God.
I can teach you about Jesus, but I cannot make Jesus your Lord.
I can tell you how to live, but I cannot give you eternal life.

Written by Anne Geddes

Friday, May 7, 2010

Round 2

So, last Thursday, I woke up with a lot of pain in my lower left back.
Dealt with it all day.
Thursday night, I was hurting so very badly, I was sitting at the edge of the bed sobbing.
We tried laying on my side(which still hurt due to my surgery), a heating pad, went back up on pain meds. Nothing helped. Friday was worse. I could barely move. I should have called my Dr office, but I didn't. By 6PM, I was just sobbing. Daniel had taken the kids to the school carnival. I text a friend who is a Dr, just to get her opinion. She said, you just had surgery, you need to call the Dr who did your surgery right away. So, I called the hospital(that is how it works to get the on call Dr) and talked to the on call. She was very concerned and told me to go straight to the ER. So, I called Daniel and he handed all 5 kids off to a very good friend(Thank you J)and came home where I had since gotten dressed-as in not my pj's. We went straight in. The Dr had called, it still took forever because there had been a few ambulances in just before we got there. They took me back and did a urine test and cultures since I had been diagnosed with a bladder infection on Monday. Gone. So, they started an IV, gave me Morphine and sent me for a CT scan. They were thinking I might have a kidney stone. So, they come back and tell me, no, you don't have a kidney stone, but it looks as if you have a very large cyst on the lone left ovary. They took me for a pelvic ultrasound, but gave me more Morphine before going...good thing, I couldn't have taken the pressure of the test if they hadn't. They come back in, Dr says they are admitting me and yes, I have an extremely large cyst and they will decide in the am when my regular Dr comes in if they want to do surgery. Up the Morphine! Took them a while to get me into a room, but they did and I got shots in my IV of Morphine every hour. So, my Dr came in and we were trying to avoid surgery because, well, I had just had major surgery. So, we were trying pain control. All day I got Morphine every hour. I was loopy. She came back in the am and we decided together to try to go to pills and see how I did. If the pain went back up, I would have surgery in the afternoon. Well, the pain got so bad within the hour, I called the nurse and she came in and reminded me I would be going in for surgery if she gave me the Morphine. I understood. I could NOT take the pain any longer. So, the scheduled me to go in at 1Pm and have the cyst removed.

DR tried to go in and do it by laproscope but were unable to get through the scar tissue. Well, when they got in, it was not good. The scar tissue and adhesion's were so bad. My Dr called in another Gyno and a general surgeon! The ovary was the size of an orange. um, crazy! BUT, part of the ovary was attached to the ureter, so they had to leave a 'reminent' of the ovary(they don't know if it will be enough to provide hormones). The general surgeon did repair and reconstruction on my bowels. They checked everything before being done and closing me up. The Dr told Daniel that it would be life threatening if they went in again. well, that is not scary at all.....wrong!

So, I asked for ice chips and I couldn't have them(because of the work on the bowels) I remember the elevator ride was bumpy. I remember getting into my bed in the room from the operating bed. I had a Morphine pump until I got out on Tuesday-every 15 minutes I got a dose of good pain meds. I got up and walked Monday mid morning. It hurt like the dickens! We had a little problem with my bladder not wanting to wake up after they took the catheter out! That was a bit nerve wracking. But, I walked several time, ate my liquid diet and then tried to sleep. Sleep is really hard to come by in the hospital! Visited with all my friends who came by. Text with the ones who didn't. Watched a bit of TV. Monday night the kids came up with Daniel to visit. That was hard. They are just ready for me to be back to my normal too. Tuesday morning, Dr came in and told me I was doing everything she wanted and that I would be going home!!!

Came home, have slept a ton, prayed a ton, watched a ton of tv and played on the computer. Went in today and got the staples removed from my incision. That was a bit painful, but it had to be done. I have one spot she wants me to watch to be sure that it doesn't get infected. I will go back June 3rd to be fully released. Until then, no driving, cleaning or such.

I am ready to get back to my life. I admit, I was looking forward to the break, but, I didn't intend for it to go on for almost 2 months by the time it was done. Daniel has stepped up and been wonderful in taking care of everything for me. Baseball season is in full swing, so it is really busy. Our friends and church family has stepped up and helped us out with meals, laundry, childcare for Piper, taking me to the Dr so Daniel won't have to miss work and just spending time with us. I have had lunch on my bed with several great friends and it means the world to me. I love all the cards I have gotten in the mail as well!

I will be a healthier, better mom/wife/friend when all of this is said and done. I will regain strength day by day and I will one day-not soon-look back and know that God was teaching me many things through this time.

Still have thoughts to share, but, I am tired now. Maybe over the weekend.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Tuesdays are not my favorite..

ballet is on Tuesdays.
it is crazy.
Piper's class,
then Gabi's.
almost 3 hours of crazy...

I had missed several weeks due to surgery,
the girls-all of them, not just mine-were very excited to show me how much they had improved.
they even waited on me to get done talking to show me the routine!
they RAWKED it out...
I can't wait to see them all at recital, dressed up and dancing.
it will make all the crazy Tuesdays worth it!

my new meds are gross...
like, I have to hurry and take them so I can't taste the nasty taste that will be left in my mouth if it takes too long.
I did hang some clothes up today, so I tried to help-even though I wasn't really supposed to be doing it!

I had left of Jim Bob's from yesterdays lunch out with Stacey/Hal/Daniel for lunch today...
it was just as good as yesterday.

Piper stayed home with me for the first time today since surgery. That was tough. She just doesn't get why I can't do much since I am home. We are going to try one more day and see how it goes...if it still isn't working, she may have to go back to Nana's on Thursday, but, we shall see.

I started reading a Kristen Billerbeck book-Trophey Wife's far it seems good...we shall see.

the kids got spring pictures back...not the best ever, but I will get one sheet of each and send the rest back.

Speaking of school...I can't believe it is almost over for the year! I am ready for summer...pool, lazy days, just enjoying my kids.

did I mention I lost another 8 pounds? yep, since surgery. makes me happy and almost 40 pounds down...yeah!!!

Piper turned 5 on Sunday. I can't even believe it. She is so little and my baby. She is smart as can be and lights up whatever room she is in. She loves to have fun and laugh. We celebrated by going to Garfield's for lunch, then we took her to Target to shop for shoes-well, flip flops. She found one pair there, so we moved on to Payless and she found two more...she was super happy and the kids asked if we can always just let them pick out the birthday gift~haha. She could go to school in the fall, but, we are not sure if we are going to send her yet. Just wait and see.

ok, so this is really random and full of nothing interesting. sorry. blame it on the medicines.

Monday, April 26, 2010

3 week check up

didn't really go as expected...
but, par for the course.

I have a bladder infection.
I have a hematoma that is infected.
I am in meno pause....
you know you envy me!!!

so, I came home with 3 more prescriptions!
No driving, cleaning, etc for another 3 weeks...
As much as I was excited for a break, I am bored...

But, I have books to read
movies to watch,
bows to make,
internet to play on....
friends who care and come visit or take me places...

just a long day....

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


this recovery thing seems to really be taking its toll out on me.
I can't drive.
I can't cook.
I can't clean.
I can't do much of anything.
I did manage to fold a small load of wash that Daniel had set on the love seat....
but by the time I was done, I was so stinking tired.
I sat and played Animal Crossing on the Wii, watched a couple shows, read....
now I am back in bed FREEZING due to my fever.
not a high one, just low enough that I don't have to call in.
all I really want is to feel better.
I KNOW it is a 6-8 week recovery fully.
I am not missing cleaning.
just being active.
I don't remember the last time I sat still this many, never....
I have managed to go all day without taking a pain pill....
starting to hurt a tad, but I will wait to take them now until bedtime....
I plan on going to Logan's double header baseball game Wed night, if I feel ok....
Gabi was a bit whiny after school, Daniel just took her to pick up Piper and he text me a few minutes after leaving and said she was sleeping...oh yeah, forgot she went to bed late....
he went to pick up pizza....he needed a break poor guy.
he has been super through all of this....
I know it is hard for him to work all day AND then take care of all my chores(ya know the ones I do during the day)on top of cooking, getting kids to bath and everything else.
well, time to go rest a bit more.......

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Prom and Fevers

Prom was last night!! Izzy had a great time and I was happy to see her so happy.....

Today, Gabi learned to ride a bike....

my kids are growing up....

Daniel has worked very hard this weekend, making dinners, cleaning, shopping for undergarments for the prom for his teenage daughter, taking care of me and the 5 kids.....

the boys just hung out and were boys and Piper was cute as could be playing and spending her last Sunday being 4....

Today, I started running a fever again. I really just want to feel better. I want to have an inspirational post, but none are coming. I know that when all is said and done, I will feel better and have a better life, but right now, I am just tired. Tired of not feeling well, tired of life passing by my bedroom door. just tired.
I will call the dr in the am and see what they want to do.....but until then, I think I will sleep and rest and just be.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

raw emotions

wow, they are all over the place.
I have cried,
I have screamed,
I have sighed,
I have whined,
I have smiled,
I have just been.

this past week has been really hard.
being on meds that make me sleepy makes me irritable,
but if I don't take them, I am in pain.
I take them and I feel a tad woozy...
so, no happy medium here...

I cough and feel like I am busting a gut-literally.
it is sore, but I hold that pillow tight over my belly and cough for all I am worth..

I can't wait to shave my legs...
I mean it is spring.....
I want to wear my cute capri's, but i can't button them on my swollen belly yet....
I hope by next week, I can stop wearing my yoga/exercise pants all day.
not that I will be going anywhere that I need to dress nice, I mean the Dr. gets it.....
who by the way was so nice during this whole ordeal.
will need to bake some brownies and cookies for the office and take them in...
after I am able to stand for more than a few minutes at a time.

I see sitting here watching my family keep living life,
where we need changes,
what is working,
what is not.
We are by no means perfect.
we yell, scream, kids are mean to each other and ignore parents,
but one thing I know for sure...
all 5 of our kids know for a fact that we both love them with every breath we take.

I can't wait for the girls recital...
to cheer for the boys from deep in my belly at ball games....
to send Izzy off to her first prom Saturday evening....
memories in the making, even in the midst of our craziness....

Sunday, April 11, 2010


I had it on Tuesday.
it was full abdominal.
I came home on Friday.
I am in lots of pain.
thinking I may have strep on top of it...

dr said it was one of the toughest cases she had seen
like digging through concrete
lots of scar tissue
lots of retraction
my right ovary that was taken at 19 years old, was partially there???
uterus was adhered to my abdomen wall-again(happened when preg with Gabi)
soooo, she said to be prepared to have a bit longer recovery.

missed both boys baseball tourneys this weekend.
lots going on this week, but I don't get to be involved.
was told to stay in bed.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

moved to a rehab center

It happened on Wed night.
She went to a nursing home-for rehab
She was not happy, I left in tears
I got in a fight with the head nurse the second night
they were just pushing her too fast and I had enough
then I fought with my hubby
I got mad at a sister,
I offered on Facebook that anyone wanting to fight, bring it on
I just needed another big fat cry

still waiting on a date for my surgery
that has been rough not knowing

The 2 little girls were in a wedding today..
in the snow and ice
with sandals and sleeveless dresses on
but it was beautiful
they are applying lip stick for a photo session with me-that they were just not feeling after the photos with the 'real' photographer!!!

A lot on my mind and in my heart.
it has been really hard to be gone from my kiddos, but I know that I am teaching them compassion and sacrifice...I would want them to be there for me in this situation...
I hope that they understand that....

I have been reading THE SHACK to her during the day...she likes that....
Need to go get real groceries, not just enough to get by...but that takes time that I have not head recently...

Catching up on some DVR'd shows...AI and such....

Saturday, March 13, 2010

On the road again...

to recovery that is...
Mom is tube free and only has an IV when they have to give her meds thru it!
She is sitting up in a chair and feeling better.
Still very low on energy, but they said it will build each day and she will get stronger.
She is eating solids now and physical therapy is coming in and working her a wee bit.

Today my hubby took the kids out to Misty and Gene's and had chili and played as well as fed the baby calfs.
I hear Dawson even drove uncle Gene's truck around the yard! yikes...

We are going to have pizza tonight, we told the kids we would eat in the waiting room and that Izzy could come back and see Grammy since she is the only one old enough!

Sunday will be full of me trying to catch up on some laundry and get ready for my surgery!! I may get some grocery shopping done Sunday night and then Monday spend the day with mom up here....I know it has been hard on the family to shuffle the schedule around, but at the same time, I hope they are learning that as our parents get older, sometimes we have to change our plans. (I really want them to love me enough to take care of me when I am older).

I read a very inspiring story here....
to mom yesterday. I made us both cry and smile and laugh and have hope.
if you have some time to read it, go do it!!!!
Off to look for something else to read.....

Thursday, March 11, 2010

slow and steady

yesterday, we did most of our waiting in the ICU waiting room.
Today, I am sitting in mom's room watching her sleep.
As long as she doesn't try to talk to much I can stay in here as long as I want during the day.
They took her off the vent this am and she is just on a c-pap machine for help now.
Her x-rays were worse today than they were yesterday. That sucks. We both cried.
She said she just wanted me to be near her. Love her. She said she was sorry she didn't know that she was really sick and put us through this. I love her. She laughed when we told her she was being feisty and trying to pull out her tubes and such. I really do love her. She got frustrated because she couldn't hear the music on CMT over her machines. Oh how I love her.
I knew that I loved her, I mean she is my mom. I knew she was one of my best friends and I could tell her anything. I am not ready for her to go home. I may sometimes sound like I don't want to take care of her, but it brings my life such joy, that the thought of losing that special time with her cuts me deep. i want her to be healthy and laugh and even if I have to push her in that wheel chair, I want her to enjoy life with my family.
the nurse is in here, giving more meds. I am amazed by the staff here at Freeman. they are all so great to deal with. even when they are so swamped. I mean, I see what they have to do just for mom and I know the whole ICU is full of patients who need even more than she does. What an amazing profession.
Mom told me today, under no circumstnaces am I to cancel my surgery. haha, I told them she would be mad at me if I did, good thing I didn't listen to them, huh???
her blood sugar is high and they are going to get some more blood and do mouth hygiene and give her some insulin before rolling her to her back.
we forget the simple things like rolling to your back....she can't even do that right now.
God, I am asking for you to hear my prayer and restore my mom's health. not perfect, but so she can roll to her back on her own. so a machine doesn't have to breathe for her. Lord, thank you for letting the people you call to work on others in life threatening situations be obedient. Amen
I have had lots of fun reading up on some new blogs and such while in here....funny what you do to occupy your mind in the waiting room....

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

feisty one...

she had a good night.
She is very feisty.
she was trying to take out her tube last night.
they had to tie her hands down.
then she was pulling on her pulse ox cord-
with EVERYTHING she had in her...
so they upped her sedation because she was getting so agitated.
I have been sitting with her for 20-30 minutes at a time...
they move her every two hours and clean her mouth as well.
it is hard to watch.
when she coughs, I am so afraid she is going to die.
her face turns deep purplish and it freaks me out a bit....
I am so not ready to lose my mom. She is one of my closest and very best friends. I tell her everything. we laugh and cry and get mad at each other, but I honestly think that we are as close as a mother and daughter can bed.
I am praying. Praying for her to recover, praying that she will pull through this. Praying I have the strength to make it whatever happens. I really had no idea she was this sick. I mean, I knew she was ill, but not so ill that they would have to tube her. It was one of the scariest moments of my life-maybe the very scariest ever. being pushed aside for the work to be done on her. I felt so alone. my sister was completely unaware what was happening as it was going on. The Dr later said she was sorry that she couldn't talk to me, but it had to be done right then. As I look at my mother laying in that bed, not able to breathe on her own, I realized just how very fast our lives can change or be taken away from us.
I just know she is going to pull through this and it will be a faint memory in a short time. THANK you to my friends for the prayers. Thank you for help with the children. Words can never tell you how much you mean.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I didn't see my day being this way

I am feeling blue.

yesterday, my mom was not really being herself.
she was confused.
talking nonsense.
It got worse today.
after my lunch with Leetta, I had to FORCE her to go to the ER.(Leetta can tell you, she was fighting me every step of the the point of telling me to wait for 12 hours to take her!!)
that, my friends is no easy task.
She was still in her night gown and was refusing to get dressed.
she did, but it was tough. she was shaking and she was having a hard time functioning and I was really worried about a stroke.
got her to the ER and they brought her right back.
her oxygen level WITH HER OXYGEN on was 70.
they asked me if the tank was on, um, yes, I had just put a new tank in and I did turn it on. the took us right back to a room. they were asking her questions and then she just kind of had a moment and her stats dropped again. the dr asked her if she would be ok with a breathing tube. she consented, which was good because I would have over ridden what she said since I have power of attorney. So, all these people start running around and they whisk me out of the room and I see people from all areas running to her room. Very scary. my younger sister was in the waiting room, they went out to get her, but never came back with her. I stood there and cried and prayed. finally the dr came to talk to me and as she did, my sister came back. mom's co2 lever was way high-like double the norm and she has pneumonia in her right lung. They put her in the ICU and have her heavily sedated...when we went in, she was trying to pull out the tube and they turned up her sedation even more. After much debating with my hubby and sister, I went home and got some much needed sleep-not much sleep, but I am back up here and had forgotten to post this....
hoping and praying she is on the path to recovery.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

time flies...

I have been under the weather for a couple weeks now.
Just can't seem to shake this sinus crud.
May have to break down and go to the Dr next week.
the cough is annoying everyone.

I got the phone call from the Dr that my surgery will be March 16th.
that is the week of Spring Break.
But, she got sick and had to reschedule so much that it bumped me out.
So, Daniel is taking off the day of the surgery and then some the next week when I am out of the hospital.
Kids are all staying with friends the night of the surgery so he can stay at the hospital with me.
i am not so nervous about the surgery itself as the moods that are sure to come after...uh oh. brace yourself for might get very bad.

Mom seems to be doing better. Not much, but enough that the Dr is not needing to see her every week. We had such a good time on Thursday when she had an appt with the pulmonologist...we also had to go to an office in the main hospital and we parked, took the 'tunnel' over to the main hospital and got lost in some office area of the hospital!! haha. then Daniel needed to pick up papers and brought me lunch so we sat in the lobby and talked and ate and just enjoyed being together. These are the times I love!!!

Then, I got an email from the youngest son's teacher. Seems he has some missing work...funny since I see him doing it and all. THEN, like really, 3 minutes later, my phone rang and it was the oldest teacher and he had gotten into some trouble with another child from his class-just for the record-DON'T GO ALONG WITH EVERYTHING YOUR FRIENDS SAY AND DO, IT MIGHT COME BACK TO GET YOU....MAKE GOOD CHOICES!!! we got it all worked out and we are on track again. oh, the day before the teenager came home with her hair markered in and her pants had drawings and writing all on them. sometimes I just they listen at all???

Friday, I took Gabi and she got 2 fillings. She did great. Mouth seems to be a bit tender, but not so much she can't eat :o)

We got to hang out with some of our favorite people Friday night and eat homemade pizza and just be. I love getting to just hang out and be together, with no expectations and being able to be real-good bad and ugly. This a relationship that will always withstand anything and I am so thankful for that. Good, true friends whom both you and your spouse enjoy being around are hard to find, so when you do, make them so very special!!

Today we had a family meeting and set up a new chore and ticket system and them set them off to work. they did a good job. The girls room needs some TLC from the parents, plus our room is getting a to look better and make it easier for me after surgery to get around it...did I mention that with the help of Sarah, I DEEP cleaned the kitchen-emptied out each cabinet and drawer..even the pantry. give away bags totaled 7, trash totaled at least 5. It looks great and we have managed to cook and eat and it is still clean 4 days later-I say that is a record!!!

So, yep, that is about all that is going on. nothing exciting and crazy. just being a mom, wife, daughter and friend. Keeps me busy, keeps me going. God is amazing the way He is working things out!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Izzy got her nose pierced...

What a great way to start the day~~key lime cheesecake from one of my favorite local spots, Bella Peppers! Paired with my coffee to start the day.

Waiting to hear from the Dr the date for my hysterectomy. It will be in the next 2 weeks. We are happy that it will soon be done. I have had 4 c-sections and an ovary removed, so they are going in through the same incision and I will be in the hospital a few days, so Daniel is taking some time off work. I plan on getting some foods cooked and frozen to help him out and getting the house in order.

So, that is what is on tap. Now, I am going to go enjoy my coffee and key lime cheesecake!!!

Monday, February 8, 2010


I just want to remind myself what i want to post about in the am, because well the meds have kicked in.....

so that was last week when I said I wanted to do this.....

I had the surgery on Monday.
check in at 8:30, surgery at 10:30.
got checked in, sitting in waiting area while Daniel prayed over me.
called me back and I got changed into some fabulous hospital attire.
got vitals all checked-excited that I had lost 2 more pounds.
went over history.
my friend, the anesthesiologist, who really is a friend, came in...left, came back and said they would indeed be giving me a general. I did NOT want to be awake at all and hear anything!
they were a little freaked that I had put a plastic stud in my nose after removing my nose stud :o)
that tickled me, so I told K, the friend and she said not to worry, if there was an emergency, she would be going for my throat, not my nose :oP
had to rinse my mouth with this awful mouth wash.
IV time...this is where I get nervous!!!
but, I was happy to get a numbing shot(which is only saline)so i didn't feel the needle for said IV at all...that made me happy.
they wheel me into the operation room, which was ice cold, but they have those nice warm blankets that they put on you. I was moving onto the operation table and flashed everyone. to make myself feel better, I just said, not like you are not getting ready to see my everything.
noticed the big screen where they would be watching what was going on, said as much and one of the -10- people I could see in the room, said nope, we are going to watch some tv while she does surgery :o) I remember K telling me to breathe regular, then to take a deep, I only remember that I did one time, then I woke up to the Dr telling me they were unable to do the procedure...I was still in main recovery and well, I cried. hard. like the I can't breathe because I am so upset. you go through all of this and then they can't do it.
now, in my mind, I have only been out for a few minutes. not so. they had 'tried' to do the procedure for about an hour. Poor Daniel was in the waiting room scared because they said it would be 15 minutes. made me feel bad for him, the not knowing. Then, I had to, not happening on a bed pan! so, then eventually, they took me to secondary recovery and told me I was going to room 3, but well, there was a husband waiting and it was not my husband...he was gray haired and I am sure very nice, but alas he was not mine. ended up they put me in room 1. my hubby was there waiting and had talked to the dr, so he knew by this point. stayed for a bit, drank some, flat diet pop. got dressed, wheeled me out to our van.
I remember coming home and just hurting. Laying down in our bed and hurting. Not sure if i was in real pain or sad pain that now, we have to go back and schedule a hysterectomy. but, I know there is an end in sight to the problems I have been having for so long now and I am ready. I mean, they said I would never have children-I have 5! I am blessed. the week was hard. Daniel had to go back to work on Tuesday, I couldn't drive, so Piper and I literally laid in my bed and watched tv. Wed was not much better. I still hurt so much. very early Thursday morning-like before the sun was up-I was freezing. Like shaking. I started running a fever. good thing Daniel can pop in and check on me and Piper, because I was really sick. Friday, the kids had 1/2 day of school and the younger 3 had parties. i went, then took mom to have blood work done....then dinner out with the family, then to purchase new shoes for the the time we were done, I was so tired. beat. done. but, sleep would not come. ugh....hate when that happens. the pain is getting less each day. that is always nice.

we go in on Monday to talk about when the surgery will be. the kids are out of school for Presidents day and hubby is off work. We are going to do a bit of deep cleaning around here during the day, then my appt, then I must grocery shop or the troops may turn on me!!!

GREAT sermon today at church....much that can be applied to our lives in parenting, loving our spouse and others. I am a mess today. I think I am getting a sinus infection because the right side of my face is swollen and hurts...even my eye.

Did take Izzy to get her nose pierced...looks great! I can't believe I have had mine a year.

well, late, but dinner just beeped...we ate at the mall at lunch and it was sooo good!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

pre game/pre op

So, I went to the dr this week and there was no mass!!! I was soo happy.
I do have a cyst, but not a large one.
I will have surgery on Monday~to have the lining of my uterus burned to help with my cycle.
As crazy as it sounds, I am really excited. Daniel took the day off to take care of me-and to grocery shop, because that was the day I was going to do a HUGE shopping trip.
I will let you know how the surgery works out....

SO, what about SUPER BOWL???
we are ready. I have sooo much food planned, that my kids are so excited. We have dips/chips/meats/sweets and POP...we never buy pop, so they were very excited to see me bring in several 2 liters :o)

Geaux SAINTS!!!!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Super Bowl weekend

it is that time Daniel has been dreaming of for so very long...
I think we are going to just stay home.
I don't think I can handle the stress of anyone talking during this game!
As long as I have known him-almost 13 years-he has been a Saint's fan.
This is exciting for the kids as well, they all love the same team.
So, I have been finding some recipes to make this weekend for our family party.
Martha Stewart has some great ideas on her site...
what are your favorites???
I know we will have a salsa and chips, BBQ wings, brats and hot dogs, cheesy fries...maybe even some cookies...
I know the kids are very excited!!!

welcome February!!!

I just can't believe it is already February!

The last few month were like, um, strange.
like I was sleeping and just woke up.
That is a good thing.

The adoption is over.
That is nice.
Hard to call her Izzy, but we are all getting there.

Piper and I are not feeling well today,
great way to bring in the new month.

Piper is not going to be going back to preschool.
We just decided with me home full time, it was best for our family if she stays home with me and we save-use for something else-the money we would pay out for school.
She is very excited-so am I.
It is hard with 5 kids to make sure everyone gets individual attention.

Daniel's birthday is right around the corner,
so is Valentines.
what to do???

I think Piper and I are going to make some cute heart streamers for the living room and kitchen out of tissue hearts :o)

Very good sermon yesterday at church. John, you rock the Word of God!!!
However, if you could quit making all of your sermons based on my needs, that might be good-I find it hard to work on all of it at one time!!! LOL

Had a couple of birthday parties this weekend. One on Sat at the glow golf in the mall for the boys. We took the 3 girls to Garfields and had a bite to eat. That was nice.
Sunday, Piper had a party at Macaroo Gym. I had to work, so I didn't get to watch her, but I hear she had fun!

SO, I think I will veg with my girl on the couch and try to kick this cold!!!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Adoption Day!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Wow, I can't believe it is here!

I can remember sitting in the theater to watch a movie with my sister(tho one that used to be in front of 15th street Walmart)and feeling her kick for the first time.

I remember being there when she was born. Her beauty took my breath away.
She would stay with Chad(ex husband)and I.
I REMEMBER telling her on the first night she stayed with us as an infant, "Sweet little one, I wish you were mine. I want to be your mommy."
Now, that wish is a reality.
I am truly amazed at the young woman I see emerging before my eyes.
She has taught me that you CAN overcome.
You can change the way people see you.
I remember sitting in Chick-fil-a when I got the call.
wondering if this was good for our family.
I was not prepared for a teenager, but jumped in with both feet.
She sure did test me at times-like the day I had cereal and milk dripping from my hair.
She tested in major ways...I believe she was scared to death we would leave her and she wanted to do it first. Sounds a bit like me. people who don't know us, think I am her birth mother(or sister when I go to the high school).
We have so many of the same mannerisms it is a bit scary!
Today, I become her official mommy.
I have no question that she is my child. I just hope that I can love her, teach her, help her be the very best she can be in the future. I will mess up, no doubt. I hope she can learn from me what unconditional love is. I hope she holds tight and lives life in a major way. There is no limit.
Izzabella-Rose I am so proud that you call me 'Mom'. Thank you for all you have taught me, have yet to teach me, all the inbetween. I wouldn't be the Mom I am today without you. I can't promise you life will be easy now, but I can promise that I will love you forever, no matter what. We have had a tough year and I know we can make it through anything that comes our way. I am here for you, no matter what. I love you.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

breaking down the walls...

when you have built them up for years-even when you didn't know you were doing it-is very tough. I am learning so much about myself...some I like, some, not so much.
I like that I am an open book and have no hidden agendas.
I am amazed that I have the ability to be the parent I want to be most of the time.
I like that I am surrounded by a great group of women who love me just for who I am.

I don't so much like change...not in a little way, in a very big way.
I tend to 'freak' out with making decisions-even where to go for dinner, but more importantly, life decisions are hard. I worry about who I hurt-past, present, future and it stays with me.
I don't like being told I need to do.............fill in the blank. I want to make my own decisions even if I mess up, it is my mess up. I want my past to make me a better person today. Not just be my past.

I like to talk, really, really like to talk...for hours. about everything and nothing. just talk. I want to really be heard, not just listened to. I want my feelings to be understood. I understand I change them a lot. It is a major coping mechanism I use to keep my walls up and not be hurt-again.

I would like to take a road trip just for fun, no plans, just go and see what you can find.
I love to go to drive thru windows and get Dt Dr Pepper, but I only like to go to places that have Styrofoam cups, not the plastic or paper ones. I am a picky eater...I have eaten more different food because Jill forced me to, but I am glad, because some of it I really love.
I love to sit at the pool and watch my kids play while I soak up the sun! I always feel better about myself when I have a tan...but, you will never catch my chubby body in a bikini(um, 4 c sections)I will stick to my 'mama' suits as the boys call them, you know, a little skirt with a cute tank :o) I used to be ashamed of my body-um, ok, I still am-but, I can run my fingers over the stretch marks and remember carrying all 4 of my kiddos and it makes it worth every single one of them.

I do not like flowers, they die and what a waste of money that is. I figure that money could be used for something else. plus, I have a black thumb.

I have gotten stuck in ruts with my hair, I love it long, but I get terrible headaches. I like it shorter, but I can't pull it up and I think it makes my face look fatter...

I am doing the "Breaking Free" study currently and wow, I now know why I have stayed away from it for so long. Dealing with the things that keep us captive is much harder than I thought...or maybe I just have a lot I need to deal with. either way, I plug along. I do it. I hope I become a better person because of it.

this may really make no sense and be all over the place, but it was on my mind yesterday as I walked and thought. I saw a crazy black and white striped bird...maybe it made me think about the fact that the world sees black and white. I like to see colors...but, our world has become so, I don't know, just black and white. Like, it is this way or that. anyway...

Monday, January 18, 2010


I have issues with trust.
I know that.
I learned not to trust at a very young age.
that is who I don't trust.
they hurt me from the time I was young.
in ways I may never know.
then I trusted without thinking.
it happened, my trust was again broken.
I don't know why this is.
I think about how I was raised,
to believe I am not worth it, not pretty enough, not smart enough.
lots of not enough's.
I want to believe the good in people, but I struggle.
When I push away, maybe I want a good push back.
I want to be fought for.
I want to know that it is real.
that I am worth it.
that I am lovable.
that I make your world better,
without me, you are empty.

it may not make sense, but this is how at this very moment I feel.
I know that I will get better-I am working on it.
I just want to open my heart and let you in,
but there is a wall that I can't seem to break down.
Help me.

I am doing the study "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore and even though she promised it won't kill me, I am not so sure! wow, it will be a tough 11 weeks! I have so many things to learn. I am ready to do it, if for no other reason than to learn about my Father, who loves me regardless and for Him, I am enough. So thankful for that! I couldn't weather this storm with out Him.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Depression hurts.
I am sad, I wanna sleep all the time.
I wanna wake up from what feels like a long nightmare.
I can't.

Friday, January 15, 2010


So, I have just been busy being a mom, helping my mom.
I have been trying to get things final for the adoption...almost there.

I have been reading so many blogs, talking about a word for the year.
My word, and I have thought about this A LOT, is going to be....


in my home, my heart, my life.
important things first, the things that matter.
the little things that can wait, will.
I want to be the best I can be, the Woman that God has created in me.
I want to be aware of His presence each and every day, every moment He gives me.
The Path He chooses I KNOW is better than what I would choose for me.
I have a long way to go and lot to learn.
I have many things I could say I am sorry for.
I have made mistakes that have hurt others and myself.
Believe me when I say I am sorry.
I am human, I will make more mistakes.
Love me in spite of them, because of them.
Help me to become the person God sees in me.
I want to use 2010 to really grow and learn.
I want to learn to forgive.
those who hurt me intentionally and those who didn't realize they were doing it.
I want to work through my past where I hold hurt, shame, guilt.
It will not be easy, I know.
I have friends and family who will stay by me and who will pray with me.
I want to learn(and retain)this year.

I want to really learn how to use my camera,
start scrapbooking again,
make some adorable bows,
maybe even bake some.

I just want to be able to be the best me I can be and I know that starts with order.