Saturday, March 20, 2010

moved to a rehab center

It happened on Wed night.
She went to a nursing home-for rehab
She was not happy, I left in tears
I got in a fight with the head nurse the second night
they were just pushing her too fast and I had enough
then I fought with my hubby
I got mad at a sister,
I offered on Facebook that anyone wanting to fight, bring it on
I just needed another big fat cry

still waiting on a date for my surgery
that has been rough not knowing

The 2 little girls were in a wedding today..
in the snow and ice
with sandals and sleeveless dresses on
but it was beautiful
they are applying lip stick for a photo session with me-that they were just not feeling after the photos with the 'real' photographer!!!

A lot on my mind and in my heart.
it has been really hard to be gone from my kiddos, but I know that I am teaching them compassion and sacrifice...I would want them to be there for me in this situation...
I hope that they understand that....

I have been reading THE SHACK to her during the day...she likes that....
Need to go get real groceries, not just enough to get by...but that takes time that I have not head recently...

Catching up on some DVR'd shows...AI and such....

Saturday, March 13, 2010

On the road again...

to recovery that is...
Mom is tube free and only has an IV when they have to give her meds thru it!
She is sitting up in a chair and feeling better.
Still very low on energy, but they said it will build each day and she will get stronger.
She is eating solids now and physical therapy is coming in and working her a wee bit.

Today my hubby took the kids out to Misty and Gene's and had chili and played as well as fed the baby calfs.
I hear Dawson even drove uncle Gene's truck around the yard! yikes...

We are going to have pizza tonight, we told the kids we would eat in the waiting room and that Izzy could come back and see Grammy since she is the only one old enough!

Sunday will be full of me trying to catch up on some laundry and get ready for my surgery!! I may get some grocery shopping done Sunday night and then Monday spend the day with mom up here....I know it has been hard on the family to shuffle the schedule around, but at the same time, I hope they are learning that as our parents get older, sometimes we have to change our plans. (I really want them to love me enough to take care of me when I am older).

I read a very inspiring story here....
to mom yesterday. I made us both cry and smile and laugh and have hope.
if you have some time to read it, go do it!!!!
Off to look for something else to read.....

Thursday, March 11, 2010

slow and steady

yesterday, we did most of our waiting in the ICU waiting room.
Today, I am sitting in mom's room watching her sleep.
As long as she doesn't try to talk to much I can stay in here as long as I want during the day.
They took her off the vent this am and she is just on a c-pap machine for help now.
Her x-rays were worse today than they were yesterday. That sucks. We both cried.
She said she just wanted me to be near her. Love her. She said she was sorry she didn't know that she was really sick and put us through this. I love her. She laughed when we told her she was being feisty and trying to pull out her tubes and such. I really do love her. She got frustrated because she couldn't hear the music on CMT over her machines. Oh how I love her.
I knew that I loved her, I mean she is my mom. I knew she was one of my best friends and I could tell her anything. I am not ready for her to go home. I may sometimes sound like I don't want to take care of her, but it brings my life such joy, that the thought of losing that special time with her cuts me deep. i want her to be healthy and laugh and even if I have to push her in that wheel chair, I want her to enjoy life with my family.
the nurse is in here, giving more meds. I am amazed by the staff here at Freeman. they are all so great to deal with. even when they are so swamped. I mean, I see what they have to do just for mom and I know the whole ICU is full of patients who need even more than she does. What an amazing profession.
Mom told me today, under no circumstnaces am I to cancel my surgery. haha, I told them she would be mad at me if I did, good thing I didn't listen to them, huh???
her blood sugar is high and they are going to get some more blood and do mouth hygiene and give her some insulin before rolling her to her back.
we forget the simple things like rolling to your back....she can't even do that right now.
God, I am asking for you to hear my prayer and restore my mom's health. not perfect, but so she can roll to her back on her own. so a machine doesn't have to breathe for her. Lord, thank you for letting the people you call to work on others in life threatening situations be obedient. Amen
I have had lots of fun reading up on some new blogs and such while in here....funny what you do to occupy your mind in the waiting room....

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

feisty one...

she had a good night.
She is very feisty.
she was trying to take out her tube last night.
they had to tie her hands down.
then she was pulling on her pulse ox cord-
with EVERYTHING she had in her...
so they upped her sedation because she was getting so agitated.
I have been sitting with her for 20-30 minutes at a time...
they move her every two hours and clean her mouth as well.
it is hard to watch.
when she coughs, I am so afraid she is going to die.
her face turns deep purplish and it freaks me out a bit....
I am so not ready to lose my mom. She is one of my closest and very best friends. I tell her everything. we laugh and cry and get mad at each other, but I honestly think that we are as close as a mother and daughter can bed.
I am praying. Praying for her to recover, praying that she will pull through this. Praying I have the strength to make it whatever happens. I really had no idea she was this sick. I mean, I knew she was ill, but not so ill that they would have to tube her. It was one of the scariest moments of my life-maybe the very scariest ever. being pushed aside for the work to be done on her. I felt so alone. my sister was completely unaware what was happening as it was going on. The Dr later said she was sorry that she couldn't talk to me, but it had to be done right then. As I look at my mother laying in that bed, not able to breathe on her own, I realized just how very fast our lives can change or be taken away from us.
I just know she is going to pull through this and it will be a faint memory in a short time. THANK you to my friends for the prayers. Thank you for help with the children. Words can never tell you how much you mean.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I didn't see my day being this way

I am feeling blue.

yesterday, my mom was not really being herself.
she was confused.
talking nonsense.
It got worse today.
after my lunch with Leetta, I had to FORCE her to go to the ER.(Leetta can tell you, she was fighting me every step of the the point of telling me to wait for 12 hours to take her!!)
that, my friends is no easy task.
She was still in her night gown and was refusing to get dressed.
she did, but it was tough. she was shaking and she was having a hard time functioning and I was really worried about a stroke.
got her to the ER and they brought her right back.
her oxygen level WITH HER OXYGEN on was 70.
they asked me if the tank was on, um, yes, I had just put a new tank in and I did turn it on. the took us right back to a room. they were asking her questions and then she just kind of had a moment and her stats dropped again. the dr asked her if she would be ok with a breathing tube. she consented, which was good because I would have over ridden what she said since I have power of attorney. So, all these people start running around and they whisk me out of the room and I see people from all areas running to her room. Very scary. my younger sister was in the waiting room, they went out to get her, but never came back with her. I stood there and cried and prayed. finally the dr came to talk to me and as she did, my sister came back. mom's co2 lever was way high-like double the norm and she has pneumonia in her right lung. They put her in the ICU and have her heavily sedated...when we went in, she was trying to pull out the tube and they turned up her sedation even more. After much debating with my hubby and sister, I went home and got some much needed sleep-not much sleep, but I am back up here and had forgotten to post this....
hoping and praying she is on the path to recovery.