raw emotions

wow, they are all over the place.
I have cried,
I have screamed,
I have sighed,
I have whined,
I have smiled,
I have just been.

this past week has been really hard.
being on meds that make me sleepy makes me irritable,
but if I don't take them, I am in pain.
I take them and I feel a tad woozy...
so, no happy medium here...

I cough and feel like I am busting a gut-literally.
it is sore, but I hold that pillow tight over my belly and cough for all I am worth..

I can't wait to shave my legs...
I mean it is spring.....
I want to wear my cute capri's, but i can't button them on my swollen belly yet....
I hope by next week, I can stop wearing my yoga/exercise pants all day.
not that I will be going anywhere that I need to dress nice, I mean the Dr. gets it.....
who by the way was so nice during this whole ordeal.
will need to bake some brownies and cookies for the office and take them in...
after I am able to stand for more than a few minutes at a time.

I see sitting here watching my family keep living life,
where we need changes,
what is working,
what is not.
We are by no means perfect.
we yell, scream, kids are mean to each other and ignore parents,
but one thing I know for sure...
all 5 of our kids know for a fact that we both love them with every breath we take.

I can't wait for the girls recital...
to cheer for the boys from deep in my belly at ball games....
to send Izzy off to her first prom Saturday evening....
memories in the making, even in the midst of our craziness....