I find it funny that when you least expect it, God sends a little blessing your way. This year I only knew a couple of the mom's on our baseball team going into the season. I don't always go to the practices, I mean, the girls don't need to be out there for that, right? So, I am always polite to the other parents, but it just seems that I never really get to know them. This year I told myself I would do better. I started talking to one mom who we will call S. We have SO much in common! She and her hubby even just got certified to become foster parents!!! We went to their son's birthday party and had a great time last weekend. Now, Daniel and I don't have a lot of friends with whom we are close to, a few sets, but you know, a lot of times, I might be really close to the wife, but the guys just don't hit it off or vice versa. Well, this time I think we all get along. They have the son who is Logan's age and a daughter who is Piper's age. They all play very well. We have made some plans for the summer and I am really excited.
Tonight, S brought us clothes for the boys for next fall/winter. Like I won't have to buy any shirts for either boy. I already had jeans! there were church shirts as well and a few sweaters. She also gave me a bunch of shorts and short sleeve shirts for now and a slew of shoes. An extra little blessing. I don't buy clothes much for the kids, I usually swap with others and it has been so helpful with having 5 kids. I love passing things on and getting different things back. I know Missy and I have swapped clothes that have now gone through all 4 of our girls and I have then seen them on one of my friends little girls! I know she passes them on. Kids grow out of clothes so fast that I don't have a problem with hand me downs.
Ok, that got off a bit. I am heading to bed now, we are getting up and swimming in the am!!!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Summer List
I saw this idea in a blog I read, so I am blog lifting it....I think we will add some more as we go, but this is a good start.
1. BaseBall
2. go to the Tulsa Zoo
3. Swimming, Swimming and more Swimming
4. go for walks in the evening
5. make smores
6. eat dinner outside
7. GO Camping
8. Go to Mississippi
9. Go to Florida
10. Go to VBS
11. Hike the Frisco Trail
12. Go Fishing
13. read a book as a family
14. Eat Shake's Custard
15. watch Fireworks
16.Game night once a week(NO TV ON!)
17. go to George Washington Carver's home and tour
18. Putt putt golfing or glow in the dark golfing
19. Go on a picnic
20. Go see a movie
21. Youth Camp/Basketball camp
22. make a flag cake w/little girls help
23..redecorate some of the house
24. Read, Read, Read
25. take naps :o)
26. make kool aid
27. have friends over for dinner
28. make friendship bracelets
29. go to the library
30. have a movie night
31. go bowling
32. ride the trolley
33. go to the drive in
34. go see a play
35. spend the night with friends
36. eat at Freddy's
I didn't put things that we do on a regular basis on here...church and the like, because we know we will be doing that... excited to see how many we can cross off ;o)
1. BaseBall
2. go to the Tulsa Zoo
3. Swimming, Swimming and more Swimming
4. go for walks in the evening
5. make smores
6. eat dinner outside
7. GO Camping
8. Go to Mississippi
9. Go to Florida
10. Go to VBS
11. Hike the Frisco Trail
12. Go Fishing
13. read a book as a family
14. Eat Shake's Custard
15. watch Fireworks
16.Game night once a week(NO TV ON!)
17. go to George Washington Carver's home and tour
18. Putt putt golfing or glow in the dark golfing
19. Go on a picnic
20. Go see a movie
21. Youth Camp/Basketball camp
22. make a flag cake w/little girls help
23..redecorate some of the house
24. Read, Read, Read
25. take naps :o)
26. make kool aid
27. have friends over for dinner
28. make friendship bracelets
29. go to the library
30. have a movie night
31. go bowling
32. ride the trolley
33. go to the drive in
34. go see a play
35. spend the night with friends
36. eat at Freddy's
I didn't put things that we do on a regular basis on here...church and the like, because we know we will be doing that... excited to see how many we can cross off ;o)
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
summer is ALMOST here!!
I am sooo excited that summer is right around the corner. Baseball is in full swing, the pool opens on Sat. and I am another year older.
Memorial Day weekend was good. We started off by taking Logan's to a friends house to stay the night and then we went to the Robertson's for dinner and hanging out. We left Dawson there and brought Lauren home with us. The two little girls and Lauren watched a movie in the living room and had a slumber party in there. They seemed to have a lot of fun. Sat am we slept in a little and then got everyone around and went and got donuts!(hot, fresh, yummy). We went to a few garage sales-didn't find too much. Did score a new Knex set for the boys...2,400 pieces! FOR $5. I was stoked. a few other little things, but nothing else exciting! Then we went and traded Lauren for Dawson and then got Logan and went to my Mom's to see her-she didn't answer, so we left and went to a few more sales. Then we had lunch at Fuddruckers. Then we went to Target to get swimsuit for Sammy. Found a really cute on. Also found me a cute black one. then to Old Navy for the $1 flip flop sale. Got a few pair for Sammy and then got each of the other kids a suit. Gabi got a really cute bikini :oP it is soo fun! Dawson got a large, but we had to go on Tuesday and exchange it for a medium. Then we went to see my mom and then ran home, got our Bibles and headed to church.
Sunday, everyone went back to church because I was short handed and needed Daniels help. Went to Garfields after and then came home to rest before going to a birthday party for a baseball friend. I really like his mom and I think we have a lot in common. Gabi's teacher Barri was there-she is neighbors with the family! What a small world. We played, talked, ate, talked some more. It was great! hope to spend some more time with them this summer. It is really hard to find places that all the kids are happy when your kids range from 16 down to 4! makes it a bit more of a challenge!
Monday we went to a Royal's baseball game. It was fun. They lost, but it was a good time. we were in the very last row of the stadium! but, when it rained, we did not get wet. The kids all had a good time and I just want to make happy childhood memories for them. I slept on the way home because it was raining and I know Daniel is a good driver, but I get too nervous in that weather. We stopped by mom's on the way in to check on her, then home, showered and bed.
This week is going way to fast, I can't get it all done. Oh well. It is what it is. I love summer and the pool :o) many things to decide over the summer...
Lord help us to stay in Your will.
Please order my days that I may make You proud.
Memorial Day weekend was good. We started off by taking Logan's to a friends house to stay the night and then we went to the Robertson's for dinner and hanging out. We left Dawson there and brought Lauren home with us. The two little girls and Lauren watched a movie in the living room and had a slumber party in there. They seemed to have a lot of fun. Sat am we slept in a little and then got everyone around and went and got donuts!(hot, fresh, yummy). We went to a few garage sales-didn't find too much. Did score a new Knex set for the boys...2,400 pieces! FOR $5. I was stoked. a few other little things, but nothing else exciting! Then we went and traded Lauren for Dawson and then got Logan and went to my Mom's to see her-she didn't answer, so we left and went to a few more sales. Then we had lunch at Fuddruckers. Then we went to Target to get swimsuit for Sammy. Found a really cute on. Also found me a cute black one. then to Old Navy for the $1 flip flop sale. Got a few pair for Sammy and then got each of the other kids a suit. Gabi got a really cute bikini :oP it is soo fun! Dawson got a large, but we had to go on Tuesday and exchange it for a medium. Then we went to see my mom and then ran home, got our Bibles and headed to church.
Sunday, everyone went back to church because I was short handed and needed Daniels help. Went to Garfields after and then came home to rest before going to a birthday party for a baseball friend. I really like his mom and I think we have a lot in common. Gabi's teacher Barri was there-she is neighbors with the family! What a small world. We played, talked, ate, talked some more. It was great! hope to spend some more time with them this summer. It is really hard to find places that all the kids are happy when your kids range from 16 down to 4! makes it a bit more of a challenge!
Monday we went to a Royal's baseball game. It was fun. They lost, but it was a good time. we were in the very last row of the stadium! but, when it rained, we did not get wet. The kids all had a good time and I just want to make happy childhood memories for them. I slept on the way home because it was raining and I know Daniel is a good driver, but I get too nervous in that weather. We stopped by mom's on the way in to check on her, then home, showered and bed.
This week is going way to fast, I can't get it all done. Oh well. It is what it is. I love summer and the pool :o) many things to decide over the summer...
Lord help us to stay in Your will.
Please order my days that I may make You proud.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Busy days ahead...
This week has gone by fast so far. I guess staying busy is the reason it seems so. I have a lot going on this week, so not a lot of down time! Base Ball, graduation, work, therapy, dr appts, etc.
I had lunch yesterday with a good friend ;o) Today with a good group of friends :o) I love when I can be me and talk with people about the issues in our lives and they can help me and I hope I can help them. When I was really struggling in Feb, I cut myself off from all my friends just so I could deal with God and me. I feel like I am ready to get back in the swing of life. I hope this is a good start.
I am trying to be better at not speaking harsh words. I have always had a problem with this and I want God to help me with it. I say things and then think, ugh. What? open mouth insert foot. You know what I mean.
I am excited to report that we figured out what is going on with Gabi and her belly. She does not empty her bowel out, so, she is backed up. Poor girl. We are starting a regimen today to help her out. I could see it on the x-ray and I don't even know how to read them! She goes, she just does not go enough. Bless her heart.
I can't believe that Thursday is the last BSF until next year. This year went by way to fast. I think I am going to do the study of Esther with some friends and take Sammy with me. She was given a Bible this weekend(Message)and has been reading it a lot, so I hope this will continue to encourage her.
I want to rearrange my bedroom this weekend, but I doubt it will happen. I also want to paint the computer desk and tv stand black, maybe even my sofa table. I am really excited about the things I want to do in the house!
Well, real life calls, so for now, that is it. Sorry short, but like I said, busy week!!!
I had lunch yesterday with a good friend ;o) Today with a good group of friends :o) I love when I can be me and talk with people about the issues in our lives and they can help me and I hope I can help them. When I was really struggling in Feb, I cut myself off from all my friends just so I could deal with God and me. I feel like I am ready to get back in the swing of life. I hope this is a good start.
I am trying to be better at not speaking harsh words. I have always had a problem with this and I want God to help me with it. I say things and then think, ugh. What? open mouth insert foot. You know what I mean.
I am excited to report that we figured out what is going on with Gabi and her belly. She does not empty her bowel out, so, she is backed up. Poor girl. We are starting a regimen today to help her out. I could see it on the x-ray and I don't even know how to read them! She goes, she just does not go enough. Bless her heart.
I can't believe that Thursday is the last BSF until next year. This year went by way to fast. I think I am going to do the study of Esther with some friends and take Sammy with me. She was given a Bible this weekend(Message)and has been reading it a lot, so I hope this will continue to encourage her.
I want to rearrange my bedroom this weekend, but I doubt it will happen. I also want to paint the computer desk and tv stand black, maybe even my sofa table. I am really excited about the things I want to do in the house!
Well, real life calls, so for now, that is it. Sorry short, but like I said, busy week!!!
Friday, May 15, 2009
BaseBall days
We had a game tonight and we actually got to play! Dawson pitched and pitched a no hitter!!! they won 10-3, so they were happy. It was nice that we finally got to play. When our game was over, the team that was getting ready to play has some of the boys friends, so we were going to watch for a few minutes, well, both teams needed a kid to play, so they asked our boys to play :o) they were so excited. The team Logan was on ended up winning, so he was so happy.
Logan is struggling a little with multiplication tables, so we have to work really hard on 8's and 9's this weekend. please pray for him(me too, because Math is my least favorite subject, so it is hard for the both of us.)
I took so many pictures tonight that I filled my camera card! I hope I got some really good ones!! I am uploading them now. I have to get better at every night doing that so I have plenty of space.
I talked with a woman who is getting ready to be a foster parent and is a Christian woman/mom. It was really nice. Her son is on our team, plus she has a 4 year old little girl. I hope this is a start of a good friendship.
Speaking of friendships, it is strange, I tend to not have many friends who I don't go to church with or BSF with. I mean, I have a few, but how am I going to share God with the world, when I am in a little bubble. I have to get better at this....
Well, it is late and I need sleep, I am going to a wedding in the am :O)
Logan is struggling a little with multiplication tables, so we have to work really hard on 8's and 9's this weekend. please pray for him(me too, because Math is my least favorite subject, so it is hard for the both of us.)
I took so many pictures tonight that I filled my camera card! I hope I got some really good ones!! I am uploading them now. I have to get better at every night doing that so I have plenty of space.
I talked with a woman who is getting ready to be a foster parent and is a Christian woman/mom. It was really nice. Her son is on our team, plus she has a 4 year old little girl. I hope this is a start of a good friendship.
Speaking of friendships, it is strange, I tend to not have many friends who I don't go to church with or BSF with. I mean, I have a few, but how am I going to share God with the world, when I am in a little bubble. I have to get better at this....
Well, it is late and I need sleep, I am going to a wedding in the am :O)
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
on a down from the meds?
I think Mindy may be right. When i started taking the prednisone, I was on an up. i quit taking it on Sat and I have been so stinking tired I can't stand it. I just feel ugh. no other word to describe it, I just can't seem to get my motivation back. So I have let the wash back up and such, but I am getting it caught up. only one full load left. Now to get it folded and put away. When I get the kids from school today, I am going to tackle it hard core.
i sure pray the storms don't get to bad today. I am ready to have my hubby back home.
i sure pray the storms don't get to bad today. I am ready to have my hubby back home.
Monday, May 11, 2009
more changes
Daniel decided we needed to make changes to the chores the kids do. SO, I came up with a new set of tasks in each room and they will go back to each doing one room all week instead of changing day by day. He thinks it will help them do a better job.
*Kitchen*
Daily---load/unload dishwasher, sweep, clean table and counters, empty trash
M/TH-clean doors on fridge, stove, dishwasher
Tu/F-mop, clean glass doors
W/Sat-clean microwave and coffee pot(the tops/sides)
*Living Room*
Daily-pick up toys/books/etc, vacuum, dust
M/W/F- clean TV screen
T/TH-trash emptied
Sat-put all movies away(in cases, etc)
*Bath Room*
Daily-wipe toilet, sink, mirror...sweep
M/TH-clean bathtub
Tu/F-empty trash, mop
W/Sat-clean toilet(inside)
everyone...
*Bed Rooms*
Daily-make bed, put clothes away, pick up floor
M/Th-empty trash
Tu/F-vacuum
W-straighten book shelf
Have I left anything out? I don't think I have, but you never know...
For the summer, I am also going to make them do daily Bible reading in the am after breakfast and then a rest time after swimming where they can play or read quietly in their bedrooms...
so up, dressed and have breakfast by 9am
9-9:30 Bible Time
9:30-10:45ish(when we leave for the pool) Free Time
11-3(most days)Pool
3-4 fast showers, rest time
4-5:30 chores, free time
5:30-6 Dinner
6-9 Family Time
Now, I know not all days are going to work this way, as we have baseball and other things going on, but at least I have it for a guide. If not, I know I will get crazy and they will too. I am not sure what community service Sammy will end up doing, but I know that I will have to take her to that and other appts as well. We have Youth camp one week, VBS one week and then we will be going on a family vacation to Mississippi/Florida. We hope to camp a few weekends as well. SO I hope it will be a good summer-they always go way to fast. I am not leading a summer study this year either, so that helps! Plus, we only have one baseball team to go to games for since the boys are on one team, so that means we only have 2 games a week! That sure helps :o)
Mother's Day went fine. Daniel had to work and so the kids and I went to church and then visited my mom and came home for lunch. Pizza. It was hot out of the oven and yummy. The kids watched Bolt while I read and then took a short nap. Daniel got home from work and I went back to church and he and 4 kids went to Collide. We had dinner at Garfield's and it was good!(kids eat free on Sunday). Then home for ice cream and bed.
My hubby is such a hard worker and I am so thankful for him. He won't have a day off until next weekend(we hope)so, he needs to get good rest this week!!
*Kitchen*
Daily---load/unload dishwasher, sweep, clean table and counters, empty trash
M/TH-clean doors on fridge, stove, dishwasher
Tu/F-mop, clean glass doors
W/Sat-clean microwave and coffee pot(the tops/sides)
*Living Room*
Daily-pick up toys/books/etc, vacuum, dust
M/W/F- clean TV screen
T/TH-trash emptied
Sat-put all movies away(in cases, etc)
*Bath Room*
Daily-wipe toilet, sink, mirror...sweep
M/TH-clean bathtub
Tu/F-empty trash, mop
W/Sat-clean toilet(inside)
everyone...
*Bed Rooms*
Daily-make bed, put clothes away, pick up floor
M/Th-empty trash
Tu/F-vacuum
W-straighten book shelf
Have I left anything out? I don't think I have, but you never know...
For the summer, I am also going to make them do daily Bible reading in the am after breakfast and then a rest time after swimming where they can play or read quietly in their bedrooms...
so up, dressed and have breakfast by 9am
9-9:30 Bible Time
9:30-10:45ish(when we leave for the pool) Free Time
11-3(most days)Pool
3-4 fast showers, rest time
4-5:30 chores, free time
5:30-6 Dinner
6-9 Family Time
Now, I know not all days are going to work this way, as we have baseball and other things going on, but at least I have it for a guide. If not, I know I will get crazy and they will too. I am not sure what community service Sammy will end up doing, but I know that I will have to take her to that and other appts as well. We have Youth camp one week, VBS one week and then we will be going on a family vacation to Mississippi/Florida. We hope to camp a few weekends as well. SO I hope it will be a good summer-they always go way to fast. I am not leading a summer study this year either, so that helps! Plus, we only have one baseball team to go to games for since the boys are on one team, so that means we only have 2 games a week! That sure helps :o)
Mother's Day went fine. Daniel had to work and so the kids and I went to church and then visited my mom and came home for lunch. Pizza. It was hot out of the oven and yummy. The kids watched Bolt while I read and then took a short nap. Daniel got home from work and I went back to church and he and 4 kids went to Collide. We had dinner at Garfield's and it was good!(kids eat free on Sunday). Then home for ice cream and bed.
My hubby is such a hard worker and I am so thankful for him. He won't have a day off until next weekend(we hope)so, he needs to get good rest this week!!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
ideas for decorating...
Daniel and I went to KirkLand's tonight while we were out....
I found some very cute things for our home. Didn't buy anything, but we did decide what we wanted to do in the kitchen and livingroom...
Kitchen, we are going to do Coffee and such... we found some very cute things tonight to give us some good ideas.
The living room we want to do red and black...fluer de lis mixed in there...
We have never had a real 'theme' in our home...so, I am going to be on the lookout at garage sales this summer for some items to get our home started!!! I am excited that we both liked it, because since Daniel works so hard, I feel like he should have say so in how I decorate the home ;o) I want him to enjoy being home with us and feel like it is his castle.
Off to beddy....
I found some very cute things for our home. Didn't buy anything, but we did decide what we wanted to do in the kitchen and livingroom...
Kitchen, we are going to do Coffee and such... we found some very cute things tonight to give us some good ideas.
The living room we want to do red and black...fluer de lis mixed in there...
We have never had a real 'theme' in our home...so, I am going to be on the lookout at garage sales this summer for some items to get our home started!!! I am excited that we both liked it, because since Daniel works so hard, I feel like he should have say so in how I decorate the home ;o) I want him to enjoy being home with us and feel like it is his castle.
Off to beddy....
Monday, May 4, 2009
In the ParK!
Dawson got an in the park HOME RUN tonight!!! they still lost the game by one...Logan was on 3rd when the last batter got out...but they played hard and I am so proud of my boys as well as the rest of the team :o) I am trying to figure out how to post some pictures to this blog, but I will have to work on it another day!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Emotions
I really wish I felt better. I think I have had a long few months and it is really hitting me. I am excited that Sammie gets to go to school in the am and I am going to drop the girls off, come home, turn on the radio really loud and clean the house.
I have a few small projects to work on Monday and then on Tuesday, I think i am going to tackle the boxes of junk(they were in Sammie's room before she moved in back in Nov. and I have yet to do anything to them). I can do that one box at a time with the girls home.
Tonight I am going to clean off the papers on the desk-when I get done with this post. I really want to just read blogs--it's a bit of an addiction--I know. I love to see pictures that others take and how others decorate the spaces in their homes.
Church was amazing last night. The sermon was just what I needed. I do want to see myself as God see's me.
I think the summer is coming so fast that I have to get ready to have all 5 home every day, all day! I know we will swim and do baseball, but I don't want the summer to pass by and wish we had done more. I know we plan on camping several weekends!!! I can't wait for that.
Piper's birthday party went really well. The kids all had a good time-even the big ones who helped run the games!! Piper was fun to watch with her friends from preschool.
Well, i better get off here and get busy on the desk...lots of paper to go through!
I have a few small projects to work on Monday and then on Tuesday, I think i am going to tackle the boxes of junk(they were in Sammie's room before she moved in back in Nov. and I have yet to do anything to them). I can do that one box at a time with the girls home.
Tonight I am going to clean off the papers on the desk-when I get done with this post. I really want to just read blogs--it's a bit of an addiction--I know. I love to see pictures that others take and how others decorate the spaces in their homes.
Church was amazing last night. The sermon was just what I needed. I do want to see myself as God see's me.
I think the summer is coming so fast that I have to get ready to have all 5 home every day, all day! I know we will swim and do baseball, but I don't want the summer to pass by and wish we had done more. I know we plan on camping several weekends!!! I can't wait for that.
Piper's birthday party went really well. The kids all had a good time-even the big ones who helped run the games!! Piper was fun to watch with her friends from preschool.
Well, i better get off here and get busy on the desk...lots of paper to go through!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
wow. just wow.
I just read this.
http://livingproofministries.blogspot.com/2009/04/how-do-you-like-my-house.html
it is just to much. I am ashamed and so very embarrassed to say that I also complain. just 2 nights ago I said to Daniel...."I am so sick of the mess in the house. Why can't everyone just put things away? it is that hard?" this makes me literally sick to my stomach. we have 1100 sq feet. By 'American' standards, not a lot, but we EACH have a bed to sleep in, hot food, clothes. I am disgusted with myself.
Lord, help me to see what you see as important.
http://livingproofministries.blogspot.com/2009/04/how-do-you-like-my-house.html
it is just to much. I am ashamed and so very embarrassed to say that I also complain. just 2 nights ago I said to Daniel...."I am so sick of the mess in the house. Why can't everyone just put things away? it is that hard?" this makes me literally sick to my stomach. we have 1100 sq feet. By 'American' standards, not a lot, but we EACH have a bed to sleep in, hot food, clothes. I am disgusted with myself.
Lord, help me to see what you see as important.
Friday, May 1, 2009
time for some changes...
**disclaimer--the things I am mentioning in this post are not mentioned to brag, but just to write down my history and kind of as an outlet for me. I am a changed person because of the Sacrifice of Christ on the Cross at Calvery.**
I have been struggling with depression for years. For the past 2 years, it has been tougher to handle. I am now trying to forgive myself and others. It is a lot tougher process than I thought. I think I have been in cope mode/fix it mode(yep Mindy, i was listening and I believe you were right.)
I don't really know what they are going to be, but, I know they are needed.
I have had a rough few months.
I expect a lot of myself and in talking it out with Mindy(my therapist), I realize the expectations I set for myself are too much. I want to be able to do it all for the six people in my family as well as my church family. I just can't do that.
I will be taking a leave from my job for the summer(this was already happening because, well, I have 5 kids and childcare is WAY expensive). I will continue with my ministry. i am going to figure out a way to make some real me time. Be it scrap booking, photo taking or editing, sewing things for my home, redecorating, reading, etc.
Really what I want is to really find me. I am not really sure I know who Becca is. That may not make sense to anyone else but to me.
hmmm, let's see. I don't remember most of my childhood and a lot of things I do remember are not good memories. My step dad died in Oct '85 when I was 13. That year is a big blur. I remember weird things, but not big stuff. I remember the Cats production from the high school coming to the middle school for a performance...the first time I met Chad.
I married Chad 15 days after I graduated from high school. We had dated on and off since I was a freshman. My junior and senior year we were mostly steady. I secretly struggled with bulimia during high school-I come from a family that is mostly obese. Chad and I were married 4 years and divorced. He had gone to the Gulf war and we just struggled trying to make it work when he came home. (He is now married to a gal we went to school with and has 2 adorable children and is 'almost' as happy as I am)
I was engaged to a couple of guys during the next two years before moving to the east coast to live with a friend. I worked at American Eagle as a manager in Va. Beach and there I met Jonathon. We met and were married within 2 weeks. He left a few weeks later for a 6 month deployment and our married sailed out to sea with him. When he came back, we seperated in 2 months. He was abusive and just plain mean. I didn't see that one coming.
I changed jobs and went to work for and import/export company based in Croatia. I was so happy. I dated a lot. I partied a lot. I was just living to have fun. I met Daniel May 1997 in a country bar. He was 20, in the Navy and engaged to a girl from Mississippi. We became very good friends. We talked on the phone for hours. He knew all about my past. He called me Labor Day weekend and said he was taking her home, they had broken up(not because of me, she was cheating on him, he found out). We made plans to go out when he got back...but, I started dating a guy and so for the next month, we just talked on the phone. Chad come to my home in VA to visit me and really wanted to make a go of it, but I just couldn't. too many memories to do that. The next week, Daniel and I went on our first date(Oct 9). We went to a concert. Daniel drove me home where we talked all night-until I fell asleep and he left to go back to the ship for duty. He never made it to the ship. he rolled his truck on the way back. He called me from the hospital where I picked him up. I felt so bad. I remember him saying to me that the only thing that stayed in his truck was his Bible.(at the time, that didn't mean anything to me, now I know that God was with him)He had a concussion, so we decided he should come to my place so I could wake him up, because his room mate was not going to do that. That was October 10. He never left. He ended up moving in. I had just moved into my own apartment for the very first time. We were happy. At Thanksgiving I got really sick and was told I would never be able to have children. Dec 5th, he proposed. I said yes. I had a drinking problem. I drank a lot. Late Dec, he told me it was either him or the drinking. I quit that day. In Feb, we found out we were expecting-what a shock for someone who couldn't have children! We had a few struggles during the next few months in our relationship-I was a tad emotional and irrational. In the end, we ended up moving to Mississippi where he was from and moved the fall wedding up to July. the minister who was going to perform the ceremony wanted us to do premarital classes. Really? I had been married 2x and knew what to expect. I did it for Daniel becuase it was his families church. I went in with a lot of attitude. I raked the guy(Brother Chris)over the coals. it was mean. I look back and shudder. He made us meet everyweek. By the last week, I really needed to know the God they were teaching me Words from and I asked Christ to forgive me and into my heart. I gave my very huge, messy, pregnant, unmarried self to Him. I left that room with so much hope for my future. For the future of the boy I was carrying. We were married that Sat-July 25 and I was baptized July 26(i am sure it was quite a sight-I was huge and pregnant!!). Dawson was born Oct 7th-two days shy of our first date.
I, with that one decision, changed the heritage of the children we would be bringing into our lives. I wouldn't change a second of it. i am thankful that my Savior is a fogiving, loving, patient, Awesome God!
In the past almost 11 years, I have tried to be everything for my husband and kids. I may not have always been, but I did try. In that, I seem to have lost me. I just dont' really know what I like and enjoy. Selfish? I don't think so. i think as I struggle to find what I really like and enjoy, it makes it harder for me to be the wife and mother I have been striving for. I am searching God's Word and my heart. As Mindy said to me and it hit hard, I KNOW I am forgiven, but i can't seem to forgive myself. I can't forgive others if I can't forgive myself. i just want to be able to move past all the saddness from my past-childhood/marriages/bad realationships/friendships-I mean really move past it. Please pray that I will be able to find me in this time.
I hope to change the way I see myself and see myself more through Christ's eyes. I hope to really know what style clothes I like, have my own style to decorate our home, have a desire to be healthier...just a few things that have crossed my mind...not an all inclusive list, but just a few thoughts.
It's almost like spring cleaning and not really a lot of fun! But, I know I will be a better person for it. I hope as I do it, people will be able to see Christ in me more.
I have been struggling with depression for years. For the past 2 years, it has been tougher to handle. I am now trying to forgive myself and others. It is a lot tougher process than I thought. I think I have been in cope mode/fix it mode(yep Mindy, i was listening and I believe you were right.)
I don't really know what they are going to be, but, I know they are needed.
I have had a rough few months.
I expect a lot of myself and in talking it out with Mindy(my therapist), I realize the expectations I set for myself are too much. I want to be able to do it all for the six people in my family as well as my church family. I just can't do that.
I will be taking a leave from my job for the summer(this was already happening because, well, I have 5 kids and childcare is WAY expensive). I will continue with my ministry. i am going to figure out a way to make some real me time. Be it scrap booking, photo taking or editing, sewing things for my home, redecorating, reading, etc.
Really what I want is to really find me. I am not really sure I know who Becca is. That may not make sense to anyone else but to me.
hmmm, let's see. I don't remember most of my childhood and a lot of things I do remember are not good memories. My step dad died in Oct '85 when I was 13. That year is a big blur. I remember weird things, but not big stuff. I remember the Cats production from the high school coming to the middle school for a performance...the first time I met Chad.
I married Chad 15 days after I graduated from high school. We had dated on and off since I was a freshman. My junior and senior year we were mostly steady. I secretly struggled with bulimia during high school-I come from a family that is mostly obese. Chad and I were married 4 years and divorced. He had gone to the Gulf war and we just struggled trying to make it work when he came home. (He is now married to a gal we went to school with and has 2 adorable children and is 'almost' as happy as I am)
I was engaged to a couple of guys during the next two years before moving to the east coast to live with a friend. I worked at American Eagle as a manager in Va. Beach and there I met Jonathon. We met and were married within 2 weeks. He left a few weeks later for a 6 month deployment and our married sailed out to sea with him. When he came back, we seperated in 2 months. He was abusive and just plain mean. I didn't see that one coming.
I changed jobs and went to work for and import/export company based in Croatia. I was so happy. I dated a lot. I partied a lot. I was just living to have fun. I met Daniel May 1997 in a country bar. He was 20, in the Navy and engaged to a girl from Mississippi. We became very good friends. We talked on the phone for hours. He knew all about my past. He called me Labor Day weekend and said he was taking her home, they had broken up(not because of me, she was cheating on him, he found out). We made plans to go out when he got back...but, I started dating a guy and so for the next month, we just talked on the phone. Chad come to my home in VA to visit me and really wanted to make a go of it, but I just couldn't. too many memories to do that. The next week, Daniel and I went on our first date(Oct 9). We went to a concert. Daniel drove me home where we talked all night-until I fell asleep and he left to go back to the ship for duty. He never made it to the ship. he rolled his truck on the way back. He called me from the hospital where I picked him up. I felt so bad. I remember him saying to me that the only thing that stayed in his truck was his Bible.(at the time, that didn't mean anything to me, now I know that God was with him)He had a concussion, so we decided he should come to my place so I could wake him up, because his room mate was not going to do that. That was October 10. He never left. He ended up moving in. I had just moved into my own apartment for the very first time. We were happy. At Thanksgiving I got really sick and was told I would never be able to have children. Dec 5th, he proposed. I said yes. I had a drinking problem. I drank a lot. Late Dec, he told me it was either him or the drinking. I quit that day. In Feb, we found out we were expecting-what a shock for someone who couldn't have children! We had a few struggles during the next few months in our relationship-I was a tad emotional and irrational. In the end, we ended up moving to Mississippi where he was from and moved the fall wedding up to July. the minister who was going to perform the ceremony wanted us to do premarital classes. Really? I had been married 2x and knew what to expect. I did it for Daniel becuase it was his families church. I went in with a lot of attitude. I raked the guy(Brother Chris)over the coals. it was mean. I look back and shudder. He made us meet everyweek. By the last week, I really needed to know the God they were teaching me Words from and I asked Christ to forgive me and into my heart. I gave my very huge, messy, pregnant, unmarried self to Him. I left that room with so much hope for my future. For the future of the boy I was carrying. We were married that Sat-July 25 and I was baptized July 26(i am sure it was quite a sight-I was huge and pregnant!!). Dawson was born Oct 7th-two days shy of our first date.
I, with that one decision, changed the heritage of the children we would be bringing into our lives. I wouldn't change a second of it. i am thankful that my Savior is a fogiving, loving, patient, Awesome God!
In the past almost 11 years, I have tried to be everything for my husband and kids. I may not have always been, but I did try. In that, I seem to have lost me. I just dont' really know what I like and enjoy. Selfish? I don't think so. i think as I struggle to find what I really like and enjoy, it makes it harder for me to be the wife and mother I have been striving for. I am searching God's Word and my heart. As Mindy said to me and it hit hard, I KNOW I am forgiven, but i can't seem to forgive myself. I can't forgive others if I can't forgive myself. i just want to be able to move past all the saddness from my past-childhood/marriages/bad realationships/friendships-I mean really move past it. Please pray that I will be able to find me in this time.
I hope to change the way I see myself and see myself more through Christ's eyes. I hope to really know what style clothes I like, have my own style to decorate our home, have a desire to be healthier...just a few things that have crossed my mind...not an all inclusive list, but just a few thoughts.
It's almost like spring cleaning and not really a lot of fun! But, I know I will be a better person for it. I hope as I do it, people will be able to see Christ in me more.
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