Monday, January 18, 2010


I have issues with trust.
I know that.
I learned not to trust at a very young age.
that is who I don't trust.
they hurt me from the time I was young.
in ways I may never know.
then I trusted without thinking.
it happened, my trust was again broken.
I don't know why this is.
I think about how I was raised,
to believe I am not worth it, not pretty enough, not smart enough.
lots of not enough's.
I want to believe the good in people, but I struggle.
When I push away, maybe I want a good push back.
I want to be fought for.
I want to know that it is real.
that I am worth it.
that I am lovable.
that I make your world better,
without me, you are empty.

it may not make sense, but this is how at this very moment I feel.
I know that I will get better-I am working on it.
I just want to open my heart and let you in,
but there is a wall that I can't seem to break down.
Help me.

I am doing the study "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore and even though she promised it won't kill me, I am not so sure! wow, it will be a tough 11 weeks! I have so many things to learn. I am ready to do it, if for no other reason than to learn about my Father, who loves me regardless and for Him, I am enough. So thankful for that! I couldn't weather this storm with out Him.

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