Remembering

I don't have a ton of memories of my Mammy.

I used to dream about this fire place, it was in the middle of the room-like, you could run around it. I was wearing a long dress, my little sister had one on that matched. We were standing on the fire place singing. We laughed, everyone laughed. We were happy.

I always thought it was a dream. Until I asked my mom about it. It was REAL!!!

It was a real memory that I had stuffed away and kept revisiting.

I remember my mom always telling me I was just like my Mammy. BUT, I didn't know my Mammy(I knew her when I was little, but didn't have many memories). Until 1991. I was married to Chad-he had just come home from Desert Storm. We went to Mammy and Papa's house. I remember the stone house-I passed it every so often on a trip to a friends before I even knew she lived there and also got pumpkins at the Pumpkin Patch next door. I remember walking in and crying as she hugged me so very tight. We talked so long. We ate. We laughed. We cried. My father came-I didn't know him either. Is it strange that I was more excited to meet my Mammy than my father?(that is another entire post!) I also found out I had other siblings-3 that I knew of then...2 sisters and a BROTHER!!! they were very young.

We would visit both Mammy and Robert and the kids from time to time.

I remember crying to Mammy after my divorce from Chad. She listened. We ate, we laughed, we cried.

I moved away and lost touch.

When I moved back in 2001, I visited Mammy. She came to the hospital when I had Gabi-it was a sweet moment for my Mammy to be there...she had missed so much of my life.

I sent cards, called and didn't visit near as I should have.

Mammy became ill. She was in a nursing home. I couldn't bring myself to go. Until a weekend helping with our youth. They baked cookies and ended up taking them to members of our church-they were in the same nursing home as my Mammy. I found her room and oh, we laughed, we cried and we hugged.

When Mom got sick last year and ended up in the nursing home for rehab, she ended up down the hall from Mammy. We would go and sit with her...some times, she talked. Other times, she didn't. We always held her hands.

I am so thankful for those special times when I could just sit with her and soak in her presence. She wasn't herself in the nursing home-her illness took that from her.

Mammy passed away Sunday night-at 11:11 pm. My mom's favorite time. coincidence? I think not! every time I have looked at that number for years, I have thought of my momma. Now it will remind me of a woman who loved so deep that it must have hurt.

I know that Heaven is rejoicing and the celebration must be so amazing. I know she is loving my babies who I never got to meet and that she got to meet my daddy who raised me. I know that Mammy is sitting at our Saviors feet. That is where she wanted to be.

I didn't get to go back to Joplin for the services. Daniel and I just felt it wasn't a good idea. We have had some adjustment issues with the kids, as well as they are out all next week for Spring Break, so we decided to stay here. Mammy would be proud of that decision-putting family first. She always did.

Mammy, You left an impression in my life that no one can change or take away. Thank you for loving my Momma when she was a young woman, starting her life and becoming a mother. You made a huge impact on her and the way she raised us. You may be gone, but you will be at the entrance to Heaven waiting when Jesus calls me home and I can hug you once again.