Sunday, May 20, 2012

to do lists...

I was going to do so well with this blog this year. 

I think about it all the time.

I just don't get over here and do it. 

I am making changes-not big, I'm Moving changes, just changes in the way I think, do things and such. 

I need to embrace where I am in life. I have learned to love the people I am meeting here, but I still say I like the city life. I don't miss it too much-I miss driving thru Starbucks on occasion with my hubby, I miss my mom and my daughter and my new grandbaby and my sisters. I miss our old church/church family. But, I have finally gotten so that I see people drive down the road and I know them!! I don't know when that happened, but it did-I used to think in my mind, oh, there goes so and so, nope, they are in Joplin, I am in Picayune...

I will be 40 on Wednesday. I am not bothered by the number at all, I embrace it! I just became a Mambo to little Lexi-who is beautiful, I have 5 kids I adore and a husband who knocks my socks off even when I want to fight with him!! 

I just know I have been very depressed and in a bad state of mind for some time now. I have felt very negative and I don't want to be that person. I want my children to have memories of mommy being happy and home being safe and where they learn about God as much as when going to church. I want to be more involved. I mean, I cook and clean and get groceries, I take them to/from school, to ballet/baseball, I go to all events at school...but I want them to learn at home from me--to love, to laugh, to cook, to clean, to forgive, to cry, to dance...TO LIVE . Like last night, Gabi was so proud to cook the bacon(it was microwave bacon-hey, when you have a late ball game, breakfast is quick!)but I almost shooed her out of the kitchen because I was just trying to get done...she loves to be in there with me, so I am making a point to do that with her. 

I have been searching for easy recipes on Pinterest that I can make with them over the summer, (as well as fun crafts for decorating their rooms-CHEAP, but fun!!)I want to start making some sweet treats for them as well-I can't keep buying expensive snack cakes and such that don't last even a day!! SO...that is on my to do list...

We are on a limited budget since I stay at home and that is ok. I  don't mind our home, but I want to be proud to have people over and today, that is NOT the case. By next Saturday, it will be closer..we are having a party to celebrate my birthday and I am excited! Yes, we live in a double wide trailer, but I am not ashamed of that. What I am ashamed of it that I am not a great house keeper since moving here. I had a lot of stuff hidden in closets in Joplin. I don't have those closets, there are a lot of things sitting around that I need to take care of. It wouldn't take long, I just need to do it. So, I am making a list and working on it everyday this week. I want the summer to be fun and not blah because we can't enjoy our surroundings!! I have the organizational skills to do this-heck, I have a trailer sitting next door to put all my craft things in!! that would help :O)  

This is my reality. My mind is all over the place. I LOVE my family with my whole heart..I just want them to see Jesus in me and what I do.

I know this is ALL OVER the place...but I was thinking and typing...SO, pray for me if you think of it....I could sure use it!

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