Depression hurts.
I am sad, I wanna sleep all the time.
I wanna wake up from what feels like a long nightmare.
I can't.

Order

So, I have just been busy being a mom, helping my mom.
I have been trying to get things final for the adoption...almost there.

I have been reading so many blogs, talking about a word for the year.
My word, and I have thought about this A LOT, is going to be....

ORDER

in my home, my heart, my life.
important things first, the things that matter.
the little things that can wait, will.
I want to be the best I can be, the Woman that God has created in me.
I want to be aware of His presence each and every day, every moment He gives me.
The Path He chooses I KNOW is better than what I would choose for me.
I have a long way to go and lot to learn.
I have many things I could say I am sorry for.
I have made mistakes that have hurt others and myself.
Believe me when I say I am sorry.
I am human, I will make more mistakes.
Love me in spite of them, because of them.
Help me to become the person God sees in me.
I want to use 2010 to really grow and learn.
I want to learn to forgive.
those who hurt me intentionally and those who didn't realize they were doing it.
I want to work through my past where I hold hurt, shame, guilt.
It will not be easy, I know.
I have friends and family who will stay by me and who will pray with me.
I want to learn(and retain)this year.

I want to really learn how to use my camera,
start scrapbooking again,
make some adorable bows,
sew,
maybe even bake some.

I just want to be able to be the best me I can be and I know that starts with order.

I can't believe this year is almost over.

I think the kids need to stop fighting.

I miss being out and about, even at the cemetery.

I made muffins, the stove is smoking(someone over baked pecan pie-not me-and it reeks).

I need to clean house, but my body will not obey me.

I have a post brewing in my head about this year.

Highs, lows, happy moments, sad moments, life changing moments.

I have a list of things I can use as resolutions, but really, do I ever stick to them?

I have a list of things I need/want to do in the new year...some of it I may share, some I may not.

Looking back on my post, the one in June where I was working on forgiveness....I have not made it very far. Need to get cracking on that one. I hit a roadblock and seemed to let a lot of things slide that I needed to get done. pair that with depression and well, I just failed to see things that I should have and I saw things that were not there. ugh.

I hate changes.. do you know that about me? I really do. even the thought of writing 2010 sends my head spinning!

well, the muffins I am cooking for breakfast are done and I better feed the crew....

something to think about

http://www.incourage.me/

very thought provoking

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!!!!

I hope this day is all you hope for and more.

Daniel got a call and was out until after 1 am and I could not sleep.

When we put the kids to bed, it was sleeting and they woke up to a WHITE Christmas!
I don't know how many inches are out there, but at least 5 I think!!

I am sitting on my living room floor updating from my NEW LAPTOP!!!
we were not exchanging gifts since i quit my job, but, here I sit with on my lap!

I have to say, the kids were very patient when they woke up at 2:33AM!
then they woke Sammy up at5:30 and wanted to have presents!
We didn't do it until at least 9 am-late for us!
Everyone liked what they got I believe.
they each got a Wii game. I encourage them to play because, most of them are active games and they get exercise!(i sure may not get much with this thing! I will want to hang out and play on it all the time!)

I know I need to get up and get some things done, but, this seems like so much more fun!
I am sure it will wear off after a while, but for now, you can find me playing on here!

this has been a good morning and I just want to hang with my kids and enjoy the happiness in their eyes and the smiles on the precious faces!

Merry Christmas!!!!

well, rain...you are NOT my friend.
Phone, you sure are :o)
I like getting unexpected calls from friends...
it makes the day seem brighter even with no sun.

the I'm Bored's have set in again today.
really, because i can think of many things to keep you busy!!

I want to enjoy them on break
they just don't see it!!
I really would do anything for my kids
refereeing is not what I was thinking, but today
that is what I am.

was going to bake cookies, but they can't get along to even eat lunch!!!
MOM, how did you do it with us? did we fight like this??
ugh.
Piper is watching Mamma Mia AGAIN...she is a musical lover :o)
but, it keeps her happy!!
oh, that and chocolate...she is her mama's girl..

I have more to say, I think, but, Logan wants the computer...so later....

Christmas break always sneaks up on me-I mean I know it's coming-but I am never ready.

The kids still want to get up early(HELLO!!!-it is break!!!)
I want to sleep in.

then the food issue...
they can really eat,
like a lot....
must go get groceries at some point and restock :o(
not good to wait until just a few days before Christmas!

Keeping them busy is another job in it's self!
computer, games, tv, outside, cards, art supplies
we have it all, but guess what you hear???
Yep,
MOM, I'M BORED!!!
ugh...the dreaded 3 words...
so today we had a playdate.
11 kids and they were great.
as soon as we get home,
yep,
MOM, I'M BORED!!!
rinse, repeat....

We have finished all of our shopping.
need to wrap.
won't get done before Christmas Eve,
never does.
But, I need nothing from the stores ;o)

today the disposal went out,
Piper smashed her finger in the door,
and Dawson lost the spring in his braces making room for the other tooth...
so, I get to take him in on Monday...that will be fun with all of them out. NOT

not a lot else going on here....